Tuesday, December 30, 2008

You drive me crazy!

And we're back to that time of the year again.. The FM stations are playing their best of 2008 songs, music channels are playing the best episodes of their reality shows, the city is abuzz with New Year parties thoughtfully named Temptation Island, Exotica, Hollywood Fiesta and so on. So, in keeping with the long long tradition of this blog, here's my annual list for this year. I hope it is as pointless and dull as the previous one.

The bottom 5 ways to impress a girl on the road:

1. Using one's helmet as a giant bangle on the hand, instead of protecting one's teeny head
2. Assuming that fellow riders are blind/deaf/dumb and hence honking as soon soon as the signal turns green, even if one is a mile away
3. Adjusting one's rear view mirror at a signal to get a better look at the girl on the black activa waiting behind
4. Thump thump thump!! Loud music blaring out of one's car with the bass turned up specifically
5. Using one hand to drive irritatingly slow, while the other one is busy holding the phone to one's head

Attention! Homosapiens of the male variety!
Gone are the days when having a vehicle meant you were the town's hero. Gone are the days when girls swooned when you revved your noisy bikes. And gone are the days when girls remained fascinated with the art of driving. In these trying times, everyone has a vehicle and everyone wants to get home.. calm and quick! So stop behaving like you own the place, because you don't. You are just another inconvenince that we need to ignore on our way back. You're not the only ones with horns and music systems! And being loud will not help you score! You're not the only one with mobile phones either, my 50-year old vegetable vendor has one too. If you really need to show off, get a wireless handset and talk your way to glory. But, if you think wearing a helmet would make you look 'uncool', you're probably right anyway.. You would look a lot better without that head.

The Secret Hot Girls on the Road Club has decided that morons who commit the above sins are.. well, morons! So stop! Personally, I'd be very impressed with a guy who rides/drives smart and safe. So get back into those helmets, get back some patience and drive safe. And the girls will follow...

A Merry Christmas to you and a Happy Happy New Year! May 2009 get you better bonuses, lower real estate prices and safer jobs!

See you in '09, porcupine!