Saturday, June 09, 2007

Size does matter!

I had heard that some 76.93% Americans are overweight. I had also seen parts of some obese Americans on TV, you can’t expect them to completely fit on screen! I just assumed that all the cheesy pizzas and McDonald burgers had finally conquered their race and I flipped channels. Little did I know that one day, it would come back to bite me, when I least expected it.

Different teams at my office occasionally get team T-shirts from the department and I really liked them on the others. I used to wonder when my team would get them and two days back, when I finally got an e-mail "requesting" me to accept the T-shirt, I almost fainted with joy! The next page asked me to specify the size I wanted and very innocently mentioned that these T-shirts were standard American sizes.

Now, I would be kidding myself if I even thought of 'small'. Not that I am 'large', but at 20, I am quite err.. fit. (internal guffaw!) I graduated to 'medium' two years ago and I am struggling to stay there. So I naturally selected medium and in the next page I was informed that I could collect the T-shirt the next day.

So at the scheduled time, I walk up to the guy in charge, sign on the sheet and pick it up. "Here it is, the coveted piece of cloth", I thought as I rolled it down and what I saw, left my lower jaw painfully away from the rest of my face. Was it supposed to be joke? Three full Sumanas could fit in there and could probably live comfortable lives. Medium? For what, a hippo? I regained what amount of composure I had refused to let go and asked the guy if I could get another shirt, small if possible. He showed me an-already-booked 'small' one and frankly there was not much difference. Resigned, I have to decided to sleep in this T-shirt when I'm 40 and well, fuller.

What’s with the Americans, seriously? They can't make these standards universal for heaven's sake! If they are screwing around with their lifestyle, why ask us to suffer too? Come here to India and look around, you'll find paunches on every alternate person, but they wear 'large' clothes, not a standard small. Its one thing to make your consumers feel nice about themselves, but blatantly lying? Not fair!

Coincidently, I today went to a mall to shop for a much needed pair of jeans. I walked in to one of the branded counters and asked for a size $@ (obviously I won't reveal that!) and the guy had the nerve to tell me that his company does not make jeans that size. I checked again to see if the brand was Chinese or something, who wouldn't make size $@? Do they expect the entire world to be skimpy? I moved to another counter and which thankfully had a few pieces in my size. I tried them on, and wow! They were really loose! Finally after a couple of trials I walked out in a size that I had absolutely given up any hope of fitting in to, ever! I actually got in to a size 30! Yay!

Damn, these Americans are creepy! For them, it is normal to gain weight, but a huge thing to lose it though. If an American lost some 100 odd pounds in three odd years, he/she gets to come on Oprah (one guy even got a Porsche), but when Indians lose weight they usually end up with grooms. Bah!

Get off your couches, get some exercise! Do everyday things! My office, I guess like most other MNCs, does not have a staircase! We only need to use elevators! No wonder their idea of ‘small’, is like a full fledged swimming pool! (which reminds me of Ana Ivanovic, ok… deviation alert!). If nothing, have more sex!! Get thinner! (This advice holds for an average American, not an almost invisible Paris Hilton. There is no way she can get any thinner! Or have more sex, for that matter.)

Shady American companies, size 30 it seems! I guess one of them must have read my request in my previous post!

1 comment:

Jonas said...

all these bloody Americans need to be on 'sabse bada loser jeetega', my favourite TV show!!:D

btw, nice tidbit on Ivanovic...and Iam in mourning today coz Fedex lost...or wazzit coz Nadal won? :|