Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Top 8 at 8

The title has only partial relevance to the post below, but I loved the show on Radio City (I think it was two years ago). Continuing...

I was watching Season 9 of Friends for the 16th time yesterday and the episode in which Chandler quits his Tulsa job got me thinking. (See, I need a reason to think!) That resulted in a very productive way of spending time at office, which in return resulted in this list.

No 8: Wine taster
Drink the best wines in the world, for free! Get treated like a celebrity, lest you give a bad opinion. Also, once you start judging wine quality you directly get the license to act like you are a member of the top most stratum of the society. And you get paid to drink, voila! I know a lot of people would probably place this designation higher up in the list. But I would never apply for it anyway. Hence, its a number 8. (I qualified a week ago though).

No 7: 7-star hotel Valet
You get to work at one of the more expensive places in the city, drive the best cars, not only get a good salary but also some hefty tips for trivial tasks like parking the car. Perks of the job include getting to watch rich teenagers shamelessly make out, looking at drunk women, a peek at celebrities staying there blah blah. Its a good life.

No 6: Movie critic
No queues, no lines, no multiplex charges... nothing! Watch every movie on its release day, write a rude version of your opinion, get it published in national newspapers and get paid well for it. For the rest of the week, chill! These days you also get paid extra by producers to write a diplomatic version of your opinion to make the review sound nice. Stuff like "Tusshar Kapoor's performance was above expectations." Never mention how low your expectations were in the first place. Perks include invitations to all parties and release cermonies (with dinner, woohoo!) You also get to hand over trophies at million award cermonies. The reason this great sounding job is still at No. 6 is because it involves watching movies like "Kya Love Story Hain" and "Aap Mujhe Achche Lagne Lage".

No 5: Oprah
Star in your own TV show for 20 years, influence lives, get maniac celebrities to jump on your couch, promote your favourite books and give away cars to every single person in your audience! Visit the best places, get makeovers and talk to famous people! Its a dream job! And you not only just get paid for it, but you become the richest female entertainer in the world. Kudos,Oprah. (I read somewhere that Simi Garewal wants to be the Indian Oprah. Ooops! .....Sorry, err, I just fell off my chair laughing!)

No 4: Accident tracker
This is an actual job. A guy I know works for an auto company and his job description includes riding a bike (provided by them) all day (with petrol paid for by them) looking for accidents involving their cars and make sure their customers aren't too hassled. And he gets paid almost as much as I do. He freaks out every single day, (he can stay at home if he prefers to), bills the company for all his expenses and got a more-than-happy girlfriend within 2 months. Wow!

No 3: Weather reporter
You get to come on TV some 10 times a day, pointing at redundant national maps and occassionally mentioning the pollution levels in different cities. Unlike other news readers nobody relies on your piece of news, you can sing "Babuji..." for all that matters. Since you're the most attractive part of your 20 second report, you get better clothes than your colleagues. You don't have to work too hard, you get most figures from the computer/weather department. In case there are some facts missing, you can always make up predictions and reports. (Morning: It looks like its going to rain this evening. Evening: Though it looked like it was going to rain, it didn't.) There! Job done! Start applying..

No 2: Censor Board
Yeah, yeah... go watch all the shady movies and then cut it off for us. You, sadistic well-paid morons. Why is it that only you are allowed to look at Mallika's belly button and Udita's cleavage? Why can't we listen to what Sunil Shetty actually wanted to shout at the balding villians. Advantages of this job include getting your son the National Award for Best Actor. Hmmmph!

But the Number One Job in the world has to be (drumroll!!!) - Samantha Brown's.
No 1: Host of Great Hotels
Job description includes travelling around the world and visiting the best hotels in the world. Not just an insignificant report on them, but she gets to stay for a couple of days in the most expensive suites, eat in all their restaurants, enter their kitchens, jump on the beds, go shopping and run in to famous people. She has to make a weekly TV show on every hotel, gets to fly business class to the most exquisite places on earth, gets fundoo clothes to wear, gets paid liberally.... I see absolutely no flaw in this job!

Placecomm, are you listening?

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