Crappy Birthday to me

(Warning : Major rant-level post coming up. Leave now if you can.)

People who know me well enough, know that I'm essentially a kid. And hence every year when May finishes up and the month of June sets in, I get visibly excited. After a wait of 365 days, my day would arrive soon. My birthday. But every year, I am disappointed. I have stopped convincing myself that bad birthdays are a coincidence. June 17th just seems jinxed for me every year. I always prepare myself for the worst, yet my birthday always fails to cheer me up. I guess that is why I still haven't grown up. I'm still waiting for my elusive happy birthday.

And don't think this depression has anything to do with growing a year older. As such, I have always been the youngest wherever I am. So, that has never mattered. It is just a mix of bad luck, bad timing and high expectations.

School : Invariably, school always used to start on June 15th. And hence, any hopes of getting new clothes would get quashed by my mom saying, "I got you a brand new uniform for your birthday." The general excitement of new books, disney labels, boring time tables and meeting long-lost friends (after 2 months) always used to take over my birthdays.

7 years ago : First day of college. Somehow after, "Hi! My name is Sumana", "Today is my birthday, wish me!" sounded inappropriate. Spent the whole day feeling down.

6 years ago : Vacation. Spent birthday alone at home.

5 years ago : Application time for B.Com. Was too busy filling forms to notice that my birthday flew away.

4 years ago : For a change, it was a nice birthday, until it promised to get even better. Just when I was walking out of college, a 'someone special' ran up to me and said, "Hey Su! I'm hungry, treat me!" I most willingly took him to a nearby eat out, let him order more than I could usually afford and sat silently across the table in anticipation. Maybe a gift, a card.. or a surprise! And then, he finished eating, I paid the bill, walked up to my bike and looked at him expectantly. "What!?", he asked. I started my bike and after one last look, I sped away. I waited till 12, no call... no message. He had no idea it was my birthday. He got the worst shouting of his life the next day, but that didn't change the fact that he completely ruined it for me.

3 years ago : My college scheduled "Personality Development Day" on June 17th and I spent half the day staring at a candle, performing breathing exercises and listening to Sanskrit mantras. But my friends had a surprise in store for me in the afternoon... which was... hold your breath.. "Booking a table at a not-so-good restaurant!!". So they asked me to walk in 15 minutes after they went in, just to make sure the table was free and voila! I got to sit at the head of the table and order food! Just when my bowl of noodles came in, I got a call and walked out to take it. By the time I came back, my food had disappeared into an unknown tummy. I called the waiter to order again, but he said that the kitchen was closed. My friends had planned that they would go dutch on the lunch and so I didn't get gifts. And I ended paying for the lunch as well. So came back home hungry, gift-free and penniless. I cried myself to sleep that night.

2 years ago : It was our 2nd day at XL. People hardly knew each other, but thanks to orkut a smattering of people wished me. So we went out for dinner, preceded by some shopping. At the end, I naturally asked for the bill and paid for it. That when someone asked, "Why are you paying?" "Errm, it is my birthday, I thought this was my treat?" ... Some silence. "Ok, your wish!" Bah! Terrible terrible birthday!

1 year ago : How I wish I was at XL! Instead, I was still 'interning'. But conveniently, it was a Sunday, so I spent half the day with who it mattered. But then, after a mishap of a lost train ticket and driving around on unknown roads searching for the elusive railway station to make it just in time for the train, who knew it was my birthday! (But still one of my better birthdays)

This year : New joinee at a new company. People hardly know my name, let alone my birthday. I'm spending the day in front of excel sheets, when my friends are in Mumbai, Mumbai, Delhi, Chennai and more Mumbai.

Another year, and I'm yet to cut my first birthday cake. Life sucks...

Happy Birthday to me.