PJ Puram!

I was having a completely arbit conversation with Shrik last night and it was one of those 'rare' occassions when both of us had completely lost all sense of logic. We were cracking the unfunniest jokes and yet laughing like Russel Peters was performing on stage. My jokes are of course unmentionable, but here is a tough one from Shrik.

What would you call a cylinder with radius 'z' and height 'a'?
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A pizza!

For the uninitiated (those who don't hang around with people like Shrik), check your 12th std text! Go figure...

P.S: Thanks for making me laugh all the time Shrikant! What would I do without you?

Ta Daa!

I sit here everyday, with restricted internet access, a lot of time to kill, no supervision and with an intention to write. But as soon as I do so, something in my brain constantly tells me that I just haven’t got the flow today, the subject is boring, I am writing for too long and maybe I should just try doing something else. And everyday I tell myself, who cares! Nobody visits this page and even if they do, who cares! But I generally lose it somewhere and I close the page without saving it.

Today I have decided to blurt out everything I want to. After all, if I am the only one reading this, then I have a 100% fan following. I have an interesting life, I have cool friends and I have brilliant opinions too. So…why not?

Speaking about an interesting life, I have an adventurous job. Each day I battle for my life, clinging on to the few inches of safety I am (fortunately) provided with. I travel far away on mountains and rivers, scream my lungs out, battle it out with my deadly enemies and look forward to doing the same the next day. Yeah yeah, in between I work on excel sheets for 10 hours in an AC office, but the ride from home to office and back is indeed scary. And yeah, only if you want to, replace the mountains with road humps, rivers with gutters, screaming with silent prayers and the deadly enemy with my suicidal driver. And looking forward, to absolutely not!

I also hang out all the time with two of my grooviest friends. Both of them are unusually interesting, intellectually brilliant and the most fun people. We spend most of our time watching South Park or movies like, ahem, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the like. We zoom around on bikes late night and eat out everyday. It is a good life! I accept that most of our hanging around time is inside the classroom, we study quite a bit, occasionally eat right-outside-campus dosas and that the 3 of us struggle on one bike, but we do have our share of good fun. Our intellectual talks are mostly useless arguments on movies, non-vegetarianism and coming on time for mess dinner. But the two of them are studs, they each have a girlfriend of their own! You can’t take that away from them. (I know what you are thinking, yes, both of them are guys).

While I am getting old, I am mostly involved in activities that include trying to write, pretending to work, sleeping with my eyes open and copy pasting excel sheets. I used to love watching cricket, (I still do, actually) and I completely worship The Wall on my wall. I do have my opinions and thoughts, but we’ll save it for another time, shall we?

Dad and daughter talkies

When I returned home at 8PM last weekend I was dreading a backlash from dad. He instead just asked me which movie I’d been to. I looked at him cautiously.

“By any chance did you go to a Kannada movie?”
“No Dad, I don’t have any kannada friends.”
“But you could have taken them anyway. You could have translated for them”
“Err... Dad, I am not a big fan of Kannada movies”

There have been numerous occasions when my Dad has uselessly tried to convince me about the goodness of kannada movies and why I need to give up all the other recreations, to support my mother tongue. (Unlike my dad, my mother doesn’t actually support the language lividly, but still I am supposed to call it so). When I glare back at him at every statement, he resigns to the fact that the 70’s will never be back again and gives excuses for the TlQM (Total lack of Quality Management). Some of them make sense, but there are others which are so senseless, that they can be mistaken for kannada movie plots. Read on…

1. The multiplexes have come in and movie watching has become more expensive. Kannada cinema has been forced to raise its standards. It has to be given some time. Now is just the churning time, hence movies are crappy.

2. When Rajkumar was reigning, there were no other movie stars. Hence, now there are no sons of movie stars to take the legacy forward. Hence movies are crappy.

3. There are hardly any kannadigas in Bangalore. Kannada movies are trying to satisfy the needs of the “Indian-movie-goer”. Hence movies are crappy.

4. All these Tamil and Telgu movies are stealing our stories, actors and songs. Hence movies are crappy.

5. With all these one ways in Bangalore, it is tough to get to a decent movie hall in time. Nobody gets to watch movies often, hence movies are crappy.

6. There are basically two markets for kannada cinema – the software engineers in America and those who couldn’t make it there, living in Karnataka. It is tough to please both. Hence, movies are crappy.

7. When a kannadiga goes to a theatre he sees a poster of Titanic and a local movie. It confuses him. All this computerization… Hence movies are crappy.

8. I know the movies nowadays are bad, but Rajkumar just passed away. Give the movie fraternity some time to recover… it’ll take a couple of years. Then see the difference.

Every time he does this, I sympathize with dad, and give him a fake smile. This time I plopped down next to him and said, “I agree, Dad… I just watched Spiderman 3.”

Contingent nuptials

It is scary how the time spent at one's job is proportional to the level of craziness one adopts. I like my job here, but I am scared to like it too much. Especially after I heard a colleague talking on the phone a few days back.

"No! No! I am going onsite only for a few weeks. I'll be back here soon. I am getting married next quarter!"

Never mix work and domestic life my friend, don't go down that road...

A journey from the unknown to who cares...

Coupled with the fact that my Prof gave me a poor grade in the subject, I hereby declare research as the most useless activity, business or otherwise. I don't think anyone learnt much in the 30 hours of low-volume droning. I apologize Sir, but I definitely did not "Get the point!". But I am not biased towards funded research only because of the course. I picked up these three studies, reported today in the paper (the one that has more scantily clad ladies than heinous crimes in it).

Are women more into toyboys?

"The days of seeing a woman on the arm of a man old enough to be her father might soon be over, for an increasing number of the fairer sex are ditching sugar daddies for toyboys, if a study conducted by the Office of National Statistics, in the UK, is to be believed"

Ok, seriously, why would anybody want to spend money to find out the above "fact". Plus, like the topic of the research isn't compelling enough, they show a picture of a non-bald Britney who forgot her pants, with the guy she apparently first did it with. And they promote the findings of the research like they have discovered the true meaning of life - Women are attracted to younger men, because they are more fun, better in bed and make them feel confident. Bah..

Nemo can find his way back home.

"Scientists studying pristine coral reefs in Papua New Guinea found that 60% of clownfish journeyed back to their tiny home reef after being swept out to the ocean as babies. They injected female fish with a trace of isotope which finds its way into their eggs, and can later be observed in baby fish"

Why?!? Why, oh why! Why would you follow those tiny little fish in that wierdly named country, to see if they went back home? Hasn't Pixar informed us of it anyway. Why would you inject artificial liquids into the supposedly 'funny' fish to find out something so not worth it? What would your tell your wife that night?
"Oh baby! I found out today, that baby clownfish can find their way home."
"Really, honey?"
"Oh, just 60% of them though"
There are btter things to do in the world, get up, get going!

Doing good makes you feel good: study

"Pat Tillman left the NFL to enlist in the Army and fight in Iraq and Afghanistan (where he was killed), but socialite Paris Hilton continually pursues 'a public life of shallowness' What makes people more happy?"

First of all, I'm sorry Pat, you had to share the same paragraph with the hotel waitress. Secondly, these people actually quizzed 65 undergrads for several days on the internet to figure out that meaningful activities, such as helping others, listening to friends and pursuing one's life goals make people happy. Do I need to say more?

Prof Nuclear Country, are you still going to try convincing me that research is worth the journey?

Focus Su! Focus..

A month ago, with the second year at XLRI looming we were asked to pick our electives. I sat in between the two idiots I hang out with at XL and thought I'd get some quality advice from them. It was too late to stick around at sqaure one and I had to get somewhere. One of them is an ardent systems focussed fellow and the other one refuses to look in any direction that does not have discount rates and stock prices floating around.

Heh, I thought. I needed to first pick a focus, only then could I pick electives to specialize in it. I asked around, thought deeply, bugged peers and finally decided that I wanted to be a "fin girl". Hmmmm... it sounded interesting.

Now, I am currently sitting at my desk at an ultra fin company, doing my highly interesting summers. I came here expecting to burn, learn and earn. So far the only productive work I have gotten around to do is writing this blog. "But I am now fin focussed", I thought, "I will get in to the flow, start understanding things soon".

All went well till an incident at a training session last evening. After that I dread not only the next 8 weeks here, but also the next year. I was staring groggily at some CEO level person giving a CEO forum level talk, and paying little attention. He turned to a slide which said, "You matter to us" and I decided to listen to him. He started about how compensation is linked to our performance and then said "business analysts are hence like short-cap stocks!". The entire room burst into laughter and I looked around in shock. I ckecked the slide again and realized I understood nothing of it. What the hell was so funny that people were almost in tears!?! I sunk back in to my chair wondering where I have ended up.

So I am back to sqaure one. Fin is not my thing and it will never be. I look forward to 2 more months this summer to reinforce these opinions and I hope I won't be even more muddled up by then. Damn, I need to choose a new area to focus on. Sigh, first year... come back...

World Cup Blues

A good friend once told me that I manage to write decently, but I need to write more often. But i swore to myself that i wouldn't write until a topic calls out to be illustrated. (in short I have a writer's block made up of birla cement). But I guess now is the right time to scribble away my thoughts.

The most spoken about issue currently is that the Indian team and the Pakistani team are competing against each other to see who gets kicked out of the World Cup sooner. Well, as usual, the rivalry among the two teams deserves appreciation. Just as Pakistan proved themselves to be worse than Ireland, India rose to occassion and lost to the Bangladesh team. (Bongs, of all people!! God save us!). When the Pakis realized that we were close at their heels in this race, they decided that they had to try something below the belt and hence hired someone to kill their coach. (due condolences), hoping that they would be sent home after that. Unfortunately they were asked to play against Zimbabwe and they even won the match somehow. (they even dedicated their 93 run victory against Zimbabwe to Woolmer. Common... He deserved better!) And India grabbed the ripe opportunity, and lost shamelessly to a country one fiftieth its size. Hah, Pakis lose in this challenge too. Losers!

But seriously, who are the biggest losers here. The Indian Team members? They earn lakhs of rupees for flashing their teeth for twenty seconds for a meaningless television ad. A short search exercise on google tells me that Virender Sehwag annually earns 1.83 crores a year (wtf!) only to play cricket. Please note, this includes Rs 5o lakh as retainer fees. i.e. The BCCI is paying Viru half a crore a year to just stick to the team. (Muhahahahahaha!!! Like any other team in the country is going to select him anyway). And if you take into account his endorsement revenues (for lines like "make the world in your fist"), his annual earnings would suffice the next 5 generations of the Sehwag khandan to live comfortably.

Are the sponsors losing?? Thats quite a debate. Well, the corporates who really thought that backing the Indian team this World Cup was a good idea, will have to rethink their strategies again. Are we, as Indian fans losing? Well, again true Indian cricket followers would know the team is going to the dogs. I wouldnt know the opportunity cost of watching the matches on television since my hectic B-school life doesn't let me do so. Heh. I just pity those who had pinned down their hopes on seeing the Men in Blue life the heavy cup. Well guys, cheer up. You can still cheer your nieghbours who made it through to the second round!

Considering the fact that I am writing this immediately after my strategy end term paper, I do think that it would be a good idea to apply the "strategic models" on the coveted team itself. Lets start with the VRIO model.

Does our team possess VALUE? Consider top players like Rahul Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar, Dhoni (who was once the top ranked batsman in the world, heh), Sehwag (whose comeback was a century, after a two year drought, against Bermuda, heh heh), and the others blah blah. So do we have the essential "V"? Well, yes, it seems like we do.

Are the team resources RARE? Hmmmm... considering Hayden, Ponting, Kallis, Gayle, Pietersen and the likes... maybe not. But also considering that the 11 men inthe team are selected from a cricket crazy country of a billion, lets give them the benefit of the doubt and do agree that these cricketers are a 'rare' resource.

Are these resources IMITABLE? Well, if you ask me, I think it would be in the best interests of any team not to imitate the Indian team. Hence I refuse to analyze this aspect any further.

And finally, how good is the ORGANIZATION? (I never understood this concept. so don't blame me if i don't do justice) From an outsider's point of view, the team seems to have all the individual talent in the world, but clearly lacks the skill to perform as a team when the situation asks them to. Well, why should they? Sehwag not only gets to stay in the team for scoring binary scores, but he also gets paid for it. Sachin will continue to get paid millions for drinking Pepsi, Agarkar will keep getting recalled to the team till he announces retirement and Dhoni can still afford to drink his daily dose of milk. And hence as an organization Team India fails once again, not a very big surprise.

The solution?? I am no great cosultant, but I would only say, stop watching cricket, stop paying these cricketers. But I am a true fan too, and I know that like everyone else, I would be screaming for India in the very next tournament :) Hence like any strategic analysis, this one is pointless as well. Thanks for reading though...

Sumana Manohar

P.S. I wanted to do the Porter analysis, but I couldn't decide on what the industry exactly was.
P.P.S I have been saying this for the past 4 months, but I will never get the heart to pull out Dravid's poster from my hostel room wall.