The Three Investigators and the Case of Relentless Lizzie

Date: 14th July 2007
Location: Headquarters (the left corner, first floor, girls' hostel, XLRI)
Investigators: Diti, Shrik and Sumana
Suspect: Lizzie
Motive: Unknown

It was an unusually eerie night. Shrik and Sumana were just returning from the nearby ice-cream parlour, after having immensely enjoyed what was a satisfying dessert session. But as they walked back to their headquarters, they could sense the uneasiness in the air. There was a group of terrified female spectators staring with pure horror at Diti's room. Diti had just finished off her previous case, a 'batty' one in fact. But she had got on to the next mystery and was glad on Shrik and Su's arrival.

"There is a huge fat lizard in the room", She said.
"Where?", whispered Su.
"Behind the curtain", she pointed out.
Taking all that she had in her, Sumana approached the blood red curtains and pulled them aside. What she saw behind it, got a collective gasp from the room.
"Ewww", she said. "How did it get in?"
Diti then explained the case facts until then, stressing on the route taken and the approximated time of entry of the lizard.

The three of them watched the unsuspecting lizard from a distance, trying simultaneously to get more information on the suspect and at the same time draw a plan to get rid of it.

"It is on the window ledge, all we need to do is drive the lizard towards the top and then open the window and let it out", said Shrik. It sounded simple enough, but there was something about the lizard that made all the three of them consider that the task would be tougher.

"It is unusually fat", said Diti. There was something definitely weird about the physical characteristics. It also seemed to move slowly, or to be frank, not move at all.

"Maybe it's pregnant", suggested Su. "Wait a minute I know who this is, it's Lizzie".
Diti observed the lizard and confirmed the suspicions. "What if it lays eggs tonight? There will be little lizards swarming all over my room soon", Diti frantically exclaimed. It was time for some action. They needed to act fast and ruthless.

"Bring the broom", said Shrik "and all the newspapers you have". Once that was arranged, Shrik started prodding Lizzie to drive her up. She was at first reluctant, but moved slowly, casting threatening glances at us. Once she moved above the window ledge, the tougher task came to fray.

"I need one of you to help me open the window", said Shrik, "I can't do it alone"
The stakes? Any more jiggling than required would mean Lizzie would drop right on one of their palms while they were holding up the window. It was time for desperate measures. Su stood up to it, "I'll do it". But the window was harder to open than expected, thanks to dry paint on the latch. "Get a hanger", screamed Shrik. Once that was arranged, the window was soon opened. They stuffed the bottom with a huge pile of the ever useful and untouched editions of the Economic Times.

Shrik continued prodding with his broom, this time to get Lizzie to come down. She obviously didn't want to. She was too busy snatching at flies. After all, it is quite tough to get a pregnant lady to move a lot. But Shrik did not give up hope, he prodded with unmatched perseverance. Lizzie finally moved further down, skipped the open window but landed on the Eco Times.

At that instant, Shrik knew it was then or never. In a smooth sweeping motion he shoved the newspapers out of the window, and with them went Lizzie, desperately clinging on.

It was yet another sweet success as they hugged each other and wiped the beads of sweat from their foreheads. Perseverance had paid off and they retreated victoriously, looking forward to the next adventure.

Case solved. Chapter closed.

Homecoming

All my bags are (almost) packed,
I'm ready to go...
I'm jumping here, inside my home.
I hate to leave my folks,
And say goodbye.
But the term is starting
It is late June.
The classes will start,
there will be quizzes soon.
Already I'm so clueless.
I can sigh!

So miss me and pray for me,
Tell me that you'll comment for me.
Drop me on time, when I have to go.
Cause I'm leaving on an Indian plane,
Dunno when I'll be back again.
Oh! Babe! I can't wait to go..

Happy Birthday!

My last few hours as a twenty-year old, I guess its time to sit back and just list down a couple of things I learnt this year. I’m guessing you (in most cases) would be past this age, (Ha! Losers), but what do you know, you might still benefit from it!

1. How to ride a bike! (I’m quite an expert)
2. One needs to stay away from people, if they don’t make one happy.
3. Geeks are the most fun people in the world!
4. Drunk people are extremely funny to watch, especially at 4 am on a wetnite.
5. PJs are enjoyable only to those who crack them and their girlfriends. (ahem!)
6. One tends to speak like another one, if one spends hajaar time with the other one.
7. I can still dance.
8. With experience, one can get up at 8.50 and make it to class (at 9) well in time.
9. Air Deccan completely sucks.
10. Your first salary/stipend changes the way you look at malls and brands.
11. One pack of potato chips is equal to 1 hour in the gym.
12. You can get away with extra luggage on a flight, if you can make Puss-like face.
13. Linux rocks, especially Shisen-Sho.
14. There are 20 different ways to make maggi more delicious, especially late at night.
15. Cheese cake is just unbeatable.
16. Northies just can’t make sambhar.
17. You can have the best year of your life and the most painful one at the same time.
18. Case study analyses aren’t as bad as they sound.
19. There are unlimited ways to pass time in office, even if the internet is restricted.
20. Its amazing to be the youngest in the batch.
21. I can actually sing!
22. Ctrl C + Ctrl V is the solution to half the B-school problems, unfortunately.
23. Coming to XL was the best decision I ever took.
24. Time flies, when you are having the most fun.
25. Most night outs aren’t for assignments, but for arbit conversations with friends.

Things I still haven’t managed to learn
1. How to tie my shoe lace.
2. The importance of Business Research.
3. The art of stress-free shopping.
4. Which is left and which is right, without my watch.
5. How to survive the one-way fundae in Bangalore.

Big innings...

June 2006
A final admission in to one of the biggest business schools in India, new friends, a new place, an MBA, I had so much to look forward to. But the nagging thought in my head reminded me that it would not be easy staying apart for two entire years from my parents, my bike, my room and a thousand other things I was addicted to. I was so going to miss home, I wondered if I'd be ok staying away.

June 2007
An impending end to a summer internship at Bangalore, my home city, and another year waiting at XLRI. I feel terrible that I just have a year to go, after which I need to come home. I yearn for the stale mess food, the late night maggi, the sleepless nights and all the things that make life normal at XL. I so miss the place and I don't need to wonder. I am definitely not ok staying away from XLRI.

Yes, I am the same person. But things change, you know...

PJ Puram!

I was having a completely arbit conversation with Shrik last night and it was one of those 'rare' occassions when both of us had completely lost all sense of logic. We were cracking the unfunniest jokes and yet laughing like Russel Peters was performing on stage. My jokes are of course unmentionable, but here is a tough one from Shrik.

What would you call a cylinder with radius 'z' and height 'a'?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A pizza!

For the uninitiated (those who don't hang around with people like Shrik), check your 12th std text! Go figure...

P.S: Thanks for making me laugh all the time Shrikant! What would I do without you?

A journey from the unknown to who cares...

Coupled with the fact that my Prof gave me a poor grade in the subject, I hereby declare research as the most useless activity, business or otherwise. I don't think anyone learnt much in the 30 hours of low-volume droning. I apologize Sir, but I definitely did not "Get the point!". But I am not biased towards funded research only because of the course. I picked up these three studies, reported today in the paper (the one that has more scantily clad ladies than heinous crimes in it).

Are women more into toyboys?

"The days of seeing a woman on the arm of a man old enough to be her father might soon be over, for an increasing number of the fairer sex are ditching sugar daddies for toyboys, if a study conducted by the Office of National Statistics, in the UK, is to be believed"

Ok, seriously, why would anybody want to spend money to find out the above "fact". Plus, like the topic of the research isn't compelling enough, they show a picture of a non-bald Britney who forgot her pants, with the guy she apparently first did it with. And they promote the findings of the research like they have discovered the true meaning of life - Women are attracted to younger men, because they are more fun, better in bed and make them feel confident. Bah..

Nemo can find his way back home.

"Scientists studying pristine coral reefs in Papua New Guinea found that 60% of clownfish journeyed back to their tiny home reef after being swept out to the ocean as babies. They injected female fish with a trace of isotope which finds its way into their eggs, and can later be observed in baby fish"

Why?!? Why, oh why! Why would you follow those tiny little fish in that wierdly named country, to see if they went back home? Hasn't Pixar informed us of it anyway. Why would you inject artificial liquids into the supposedly 'funny' fish to find out something so not worth it? What would your tell your wife that night?
"Oh baby! I found out today, that baby clownfish can find their way home."
"Really, honey?"
"Oh, just 60% of them though"
There are btter things to do in the world, get up, get going!

Doing good makes you feel good: study

"Pat Tillman left the NFL to enlist in the Army and fight in Iraq and Afghanistan (where he was killed), but socialite Paris Hilton continually pursues 'a public life of shallowness' What makes people more happy?"

First of all, I'm sorry Pat, you had to share the same paragraph with the hotel waitress. Secondly, these people actually quizzed 65 undergrads for several days on the internet to figure out that meaningful activities, such as helping others, listening to friends and pursuing one's life goals make people happy. Do I need to say more?

Prof Nuclear Country, are you still going to try convincing me that research is worth the journey?

Focus Su! Focus..

A month ago, with the second year at XLRI looming we were asked to pick our electives. I sat in between the two idiots I hang out with at XL and thought I'd get some quality advice from them. It was too late to stick around at sqaure one and I had to get somewhere. One of them is an ardent systems focussed fellow and the other one refuses to look in any direction that does not have discount rates and stock prices floating around.

Heh, I thought. I needed to first pick a focus, only then could I pick electives to specialize in it. I asked around, thought deeply, bugged peers and finally decided that I wanted to be a "fin girl". Hmmmm... it sounded interesting.

Now, I am currently sitting at my desk at an ultra fin company, doing my highly interesting summers. I came here expecting to burn, learn and earn. So far the only productive work I have gotten around to do is writing this blog. "But I am now fin focussed", I thought, "I will get in to the flow, start understanding things soon".

All went well till an incident at a training session last evening. After that I dread not only the next 8 weeks here, but also the next year. I was staring groggily at some CEO level person giving a CEO forum level talk, and paying little attention. He turned to a slide which said, "You matter to us" and I decided to listen to him. He started about how compensation is linked to our performance and then said "business analysts are hence like short-cap stocks!". The entire room burst into laughter and I looked around in shock. I ckecked the slide again and realized I understood nothing of it. What the hell was so funny that people were almost in tears!?! I sunk back in to my chair wondering where I have ended up.

So I am back to sqaure one. Fin is not my thing and it will never be. I look forward to 2 more months this summer to reinforce these opinions and I hope I won't be even more muddled up by then. Damn, I need to choose a new area to focus on. Sigh, first year... come back...

My Room!

When I was in Std 3, I dreamt that when I'd be 20, I'd somehow land up in XLRI. My dream was so full of detail that when I woke up, I actually remembered every minute feature of the room I was supposed to be living in. So much so, that I immediately grabbed a piece of paper and wrote a poem about it. 13 years down the line, I miraculously found that sheet of paper and in it was scrawled my thoughts about my future abode. And believe it or not, it matches perfectly!! I knew this miracle should not be kept in secret any more, so I have decided to share it with the world. So here goes...

"I love my room, it is really cool
It is the best room, in the entire B-School.

I love my room, it is really airy
when it gets dark, it doesn't get scary.

I love my room, it is pretty high,
when I look around, I just go 'sigh!'

I love my room, it is the best on the floor,
It has a lovely window and a funky door.

I love my room, it has a smiley poster,
I have a kettle in it, but I don't have a toaster.

I love my room, it is really great,
it keeps me company when I have no date.

I love my room, it looks really bright
Not because of the lighting, but its painted white.

I love my room, because its pretty big
There is so much space when I want to do a jig

I also love my roomie, with whom this room I share
because she is a localite, and she's never there.

I love my room, it is extremely nice,
I like it better when it’s filled with guys.

I love my room, because I live here,
It is my only home in the northern hemisphere.

I love my room and it loves me back,
It feels so amazing everyday, when I hit the sack."

Hmmm.. Now that I live here, I really do feel the same way. I wonder where my poem about my room in the second year is... hmmm.. need to search for that. Just one clarification though. I really do like my roomie.. She's a sweetheart :)

Puppy Love!

It was a weird scene at XLRI. Milo was lying on the ground, and Fluffy was on top of him, licking him all over. Cartman, as usual, just stood and watched from a distance. Cleo was slightly disturbed and he shivered away in a corner, while his brothers and sisters were just indifferent. On the path that connects the two hostels, we all stood and watched them...amazed at the sight.

Ever since these cute little pups arrived on campus, life has been quite different. Previously I used to just run between classes, too fast to smell the flowers or look beneath bushes for pups. But somehow now, its a daily routine just to stop by the path and have a look at them.

It all started the day I discovered six little pups, cuddled up in a despicable rug below the huge transmitter device that haunts my hostel's ground floor. Even in the midst of bricks, tools, stones and cardboard pieces these little creatures looked completely at peace. Looking at their satisfied faces as they lay there, on top of each other I fell in love with them.

In the next few days, there was another litter and before we knew, we had pups running all over the place. 13 of them in all. I dont think even their moms can differentiate among them. And since the same dog fathered them all, I don't think he has issues recognizing his little ones. Shifted to a new location, these pups now live off a path that connects the hostels. These pups inhabit the staircase at the entrance of the old girl's hostel, and wiggle in and out of the pots that keep them warm, according to their convenience. I still haven't seen all the 13 of them together, since quite frankly, its quite impossible to get a hold on all them at one go.

Since the days have gone by, I have learnt a lot about the pups in general. As I stop by atleast twice a day to trouble the little angels, they have eased up to me too, and what I have learnt isn't exactly Organizational Behaviour, but it comes close to it. Some of these pups just welcome you when they see you approaching and some just try to hide better. There are others that are indifferent, and a few that are curious and think that the bottom of your jeans is doggy heaven. Some that snarl as you lift them up, some that just stare at you with deep clueless eyes.
Some that prefer the shadows, and some that want the same attention that their fellow pups are receiving.

Thinking of names for them was a tough job! First, there are so many of them, second, once you name a pup, you dont really remember which one is which. We thought of naming them after the seven dwarfs...the lucky ones who got to live with one beautiful woman together. We also thought of naming them after the seven days of the week. Somebody suggested names of companies...I don't blame him, we are all suffering from SIP fever. But none of these names seemed to fit. So we all adopted a pup each and named him as we wished. So now we have Cleo, Cartman, Fluffy, Milo, Dog (yeah, just Dog), Donkey, HLL, Pepper and many more.

Its been a month and I feel that these pups are growing up, just like us. Except that, they get sufficient sleep, they don't have to attend classes at weird times and they don't expect a surprise quiz every session. As I look at them running around JLT, I sometimes feel slightly envious. They aren't bothered about COMA scores or Marketing presentations. They haven't been asked to wear sarees and get humiliated in class interviews. Grades and summers don't exist in their proirities. But they'll still be asked to leave the campus one day, just like us. 13 grown up dogs in the campus would create quite a mayhem. They'll have to make way for the new litters, just like we have to make space for later batches.

How much better would we be when we leave this place, a year and a half from now? How grown up would the pups be, when they are taken away from here? Will we be able to face the world without spoonfeeds? Can we handle the real world when we are all alone? The pups will definitely not ask these questions on any blogs, but I can, so I will. They'll be answered in a long while from now, and when they are answered I shall definitely look back and remember the little pups.

But for now, I shall just look at these pups and remind myself, that life isn't about grades and jobs. Sometimes, its about rolling in the grass on JLT whenever you want to...

sheesh!

hmmm.. there are just these times when you wish you were dreaming.. or you just wish you could go back in time.. and when you are studying in a b-school, these thoughts tend to occur a bit too often. read on..
some 13 hours ago (2.30am), i went to bed.. peacefully. pretty early for my standards. the reason: i had a major math exam this morning and i wanted to get sufficient sleep before it. 6 hours was enough i predicted... i'd probably get up before hand and revise a bit before entering the dreaded exam hall. (rather, i was clueless as to what i was studying and i needed an excuse to get away from my books last night). as the alarm started screaming in my ear this morning, i got up dazed and thought to myself "2 and a half hours to go, i dont have that much to study.. i need more sleep, lest i sleep during the exam". and i dozed off again.
the next time i saw daylight was 11.35!! some 35 mins after the exam started! damn!!!! i just woke up.. shocked!!! out of my senses.. this was probably the most important subject of the term. i had messed up my previous quizzes and this was my last chance to make up. ah, forget about the marks, i just had to attend the exam.
well at that time, none of these thoughts actually entered my head. i was just shell shocked. hoping that this was a dream. i jumped out of bed and yanked my door open. and i tentatively peeped out.. hoping for some sign of life.. hoping that some other idiot on my floor had overslept and had got up at precisely the same time.. hoping that she too was looking for company in distress, like i was.. tough luck.. the others in my hostel were sensible enough to get up on time.
i screamed out loud! somebody should hear me. and i then realized that there were girls on my floor who had not taken this suibject. i barged into one of their rooms. and there she was.. sleeping! i tried to wake her up. but i had no voice. i shook her and she woke up with a start, and i just started blabbering. "i missed the QT quiz.. i missed QT.. it started at 11, and i'm still here!!" she probably took a second to comprehend what was happening, then she looked at me from top to bottom. exam at 11 - its 11.35 - i'm wearing pajamas - i'm hysterical! ...and then it dawned to her!!! uh oh!!
"why dont you just go to the exam now?" she shouted.
"now? i overslept QT!!"
"just go now!!!!!"
"NO!!"
"Common.. just go!"
"But then, i probably could go now.."i realized. i had no clue how the examiner would react, but it was worth the try... she dragged me to my room, thrust the calculator in my hand and pushed me out..
and then i ran.. ran.. ran.. the exam hall just seemed so far off! and bewildered seniors were giving me questioning looks. "why would a junior be in her night clothes, running like a freak, when she's supposed to be writing an exam!"
and then i barged in to the hall and tried to look as calm as possible... i went straight to my lecturer and admitted the truth (with a sprinkling of "not so true"s).
"Sir, i wasnt feeling well (nst).. and i kinda overslept....."
"do you want to write the exam now?" he asked.
he was actually considering letting me write. i was pleasantly shocked.
"of course, can i?" i asked.
"well, yes. take your seat..." he replied.
heaving a sigh of relief i dropped into the nearest empty chair and i looked around. everywhere people were peeping into their notes and trying fervently to make some sense of their notes. and then it hit me.. 'this was an open book exam, i had no books to look into!!'
"Sir.." i started again. "well i forgot to get my notes..."
"how could you not get your notes to the exam?" he yelled.
"Sir, i got up at 1130 and i freaked. i didnt get your notes." (exact words spoken)
"well...." he considered..
"Sir, can i please go get my material? i will take just two minutes." i prodded.
before he could reply, i was running out of the exam hall again. and then the marathon... back to my hostel, the run up to the second floor, grabbed the books that were fortunately visible and the run back again. except for a few trips here and there i was still in one piece. as i entered the hall breathless (within 2 mins), my classmates lifted up their heads.. wondering what i was upto. and hour and a half was not enough for his paper. what the hell was i doing, running around with just over half an hour left.
i ignored all their scary facial expressions and sat down again, thinking "this is it!" how the next 45 mins went (he gave me extra time) i have no clue. i just did what i could, thinking all the while "how could i oversleep QT, how could i oversleep QT!!" i dont remember what my shivering hands managed to write when my brain was clearly out of place, but as i returned my scribbled answer sheet i felt relieved and yet all alone. well, that was obvious, everyone else had left 15 mins ago...
as i walked out of the exam hall questions came pouring in from all directions. where the hell was i? why was i given extra time? why did i look like i had just gotten out of bed? (some people consider such a look to be sexy, but in my case it was just out of context). as i explained my situation to my friends they gave me reactions which was completely unexpected.
i was suddenly the heroine of the moment. i actually got up late and i had the courage to walk into a QT quiz 45 mins late, then leave and enter again, all this in my crumpled t shirt, chappals and stinky mouth. man, that did require guts!!!
i walked out and stood in front of my hostel. and while people were running helter skelter, i drenched in the rain, just stood there hoping that the rain would wash off my stupidity. hoping that the situation would just wipe itself off, hoping that people would stop staring at me (either with disgust or with admiration). just hoping that it would all end!!
i managed to get back to my room, think about the whole thing again and consider what went wrong... and then this sly smile just materialized on face.. "damn! these are the things that i'm going to take along with me for the rest of my life! ah, these stupid, but unforgettable moments..."

P.S.
1. my lecturer just rocks! and i'm giving him roses this Teachers' Day.
2. thanks to my floormate who managed to put some thought in my head.
3. KITAs to all my friends who were too worried about their paper, to realze i wasnt there at 11 and hence did not bother to wake me up. (KITA: kick in the ass)
4. life rocks!!!!!